| My mom let me make a home gym in my attic =) every morning and every night I go up there because I want to "be healthy"
yeah right, healthy.
Tomorrow I'm trying to start a fast
my whole "big breakfast so i'm not hungry" "big lunch so i'm not hungry" has been working so well
so yeah that's it
i can't wait to be 115
i've lost around 10 lbs in about a month
love to you all and stay strong<3
-mb | comments: Leave a comment   |
| me: I hate this dress it makes my shoulders look absolutely enormous!
mom: mae, no it doesn't and if you think it does than you have a sickness
me: maybe I do
oh how she doesn't know me at all...
the past few days i've been doing really well =) at lunch "i ate a big breakfast" and dinner "I ate a big lunch", works everytime.
I've been running about 5 miles everyday so that's good I think
I NEED to be 110 lbs. thats 20 lbs from where I am now. I have to do it, but the scary part is, I know that when I'm at 110 I'll still see fat. It's everywhere I turn, and it's everything I see
-Mb
x-posted | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Oh man.
I wore my red string brecelet today for the first time in about a month...
Gabriella- Mae.
Me- what?
Gabriella - why the hell are you wearing that thing again?
Me- what thing?
Gabriella- youre bracelt
(thinking to myself "shit! shes going to call me into guidance again")
Me- what are you talking about gabriella I've been wearing this thing since camp and it's the bracelet that Victoria made me, I told you this a trillion times.
Gabriella- What the fuck Mae you better not be doing that shit again.
(she gets like really nervous, I can tell, because shes my best friend and cried when I told her the first time. But now she thinks I'm "recovered")
Mae- wow I'm not, I'm done with that, this is for Victoria and I like the way a lot of string bracelts look
Whew that was a close one.
Then she made me eat half of my half caesar wrap
Then we had a meet =) SO I hope I ran it off
Dinner was only a caesar salad (whew a lot of that stuff today) because I told my mom I'm sick and I don't feel good =) AND IT WORKED! nice job mae. =)
Anyways, I'm going to start a new diet routine, very exciting.
-Mb
x-posted many times | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm so happy
I met this girl Kate and she's in a few of my classes and homeroom. This morning she came in and I noticed she had a red string bracelet on. So, I said to her, hey whats your bracelet for? And she's like why and I said I just want to know because I have one too and she looked a little bit relieved so she's like it's my fasting bracelet and it reminds me not to eat. I was like really? same here so now we're fastin buddies and we don't tell anyone and it's pretty nice to have someone who I actually see everyday and not only talk to online =) Although you all know I love you to bits <3
So today I did pretty good I guess
caesar wrap
water
yogurt
water
ran 3 miles
water
and now I have to go through horrible dinner (i think my dad's making CHEESEBURGERS!!!!! oh mann what am I going to do guys?) with my parents =/ they question everything that I don't touch on my plate but I don't see what the big deal is because it's obvious that I'm not thin enough. Why can't anyone see what I see?
After dinner I'm going on the stationary bike for about and hour and a half that things burns calories like crazy =) and my nightly 350 crunches and leg lifts, of course
Love to you all and stay strong
Mb
And through my eyes I see all your disgust
I don't feel content
You don't understand | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:19 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/wink.gif) ditzy |
|
| OOPs i forgot to add it up!
210 cals total today
wow i'm so blonde =P | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | nothinggg | | Time: | 06:05 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) aggravated |
|
| So far today, ugh man bad day
French fries (regular) 250 cals
Half a banana 20 cals
Fruitopia 240 cals
Cross country practice (4 miles) -300 cals
ugh dinner soon, my parents are monitoring me, why must they monitorrr errr
love to you all & stay strong<3
- mae | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | my dog barking and barking and barking | | Time: | 02:36 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) disappointed |
|
| Damn it.
I have no control
I just had a bowl of soup and cucumbers. I feel absoultely disgusting. I'm going to try and get out of dinner all together tonight and just say I had a big lunch around 4 because no one is home to tell me that I didn't =) Go me haha
Also, all my old LJ friends can you guys comment again? I miss you all so much<3 you guys meant so much to me and you really helped me through a lot
New friends too! It seems like a whole new crowd has moved in and I want to meet you guys! =)
Love to you all and stay strong<3
- Mae | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I'm back. My body is disgusting me. I can't take trying to "recover" I'm honestly not strong enough. I've lost a few by excercizing and cross country but it's not good enough. I NEED to be 110 by Oct 10. That's 3 weeks
girls I missed you all so much
love to you all and stay strong<3
- Mae - | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:28 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/confused.gif) confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it
x-posted | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:27 pm | | Current Mood: | confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it
x-posted | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:27 pm | | Current Mood: | confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it
x-posted | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:27 pm | | Current Mood: | confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it
x-posted | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:23 pm | | Current Mood: | confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:23 pm | | Current Mood: | confused |
|
| I'm done, for good. I'm deleting this lj and I'm done with all that stuff. I joined a new community and everyone there is awesome and helping me a lot<33 So, I just thought I'd tell everyone that. I'm getting help and I'm going to overcome this. I have to. Everyone please just look at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/anti_ana/
thanks everyone. I love you all and I understand that you may be mad or whatever but this was something I had to do...
love to you all<33
- mae -
also don't let the name of the community (anti ana) scare you. They're really nice and don't make any negative comments towards you. just look at it | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | radiooo | | Time: | 06:15 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) content |
|
| So, today I babysat for these kids haha and I ate mac and cheese AND cereal so at the moment I'm very disgusted at myself =/ But, then I ran 3 miles and did crunches so I think I worked most of it off =) Tomorrow I'm only going to have a little bit of cereal just so I don't faint on my run after I'm done babysitting for the day. That should work right?
Much love to you all and stay strong
<3Mae | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Ashlee Simpson, Undiscovered | | Time: | 04:10 pm | | Current Mood: | guilty |
|
| Ugh I am soo dissapointed in myself. Last night my friends came over and they brought me choco trouffle cake. But, I didn't eat any of it or ice cream or anything. But, then this afternoon I had a half a sandwich and some ice cream =/ ugh they were getting suspicious again so I had to! now I feel gross and I feel a sudden urge to purge and I've never done it in my life so it's weird and scary. Last night after my half of a half of a grinder I had some vinegar that people said burned the fat and I don't know if it worked but it felt like it did. But, I dunno if I'm going to do that again because i'm afraid i'm like burning a hole in my stomach. So, I think I'm going to try and start a 42 hour fast tonight but it's going to be hard because of my mom watches everything I eat. Well, my grandpa is in the hospital so she probably won't be home at night for dinner which will be good. But, tomorrow I have a family reunion kind of thing which means lottttttts of food and people expecting me to eat but I won't. I have to be strong and beat the cravings. I have to. I must be skinny.
love to you all and stay strong<3
wow I just re-read it and I rambled so much sorry guys | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Radiohead | | Time: | 07:29 pm | | Current Mood: | excited |
|
| 293 calories!!!!!!!!!! yesss baby yesss
love to you all and stay strong<3 | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Radiohead, Lucky | | Time: | 07:24 pm | | Current Mood: | excited |
|
| I'm soooo happy I only took in 293 calories today!! go workout.
love to you all and stay strong<3 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
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